New Year 2010

    Hey friends! Now, we're in 2010. I wish we can be better people in 2010 –amin- . I wish we can do every deed in 2010. We can be more independent. We can be more cheerful. We can't cry easily. We can't give up easily. We can't be sad easily.

    So wake up! Make new happy days! Make new improvement!

Mhi-junior*)

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Hey there! I posted my story

Actually, it is a thousand first time for me

But it's first time for me to post it on my blog

Just visit :

mhi-imajunior.blogspot.com

just going to Bali B-)

My parents said , "we'll go to Bali in holiday!!" when I heard that , what I think is about mira's note. It tells some people about me and him. Mira made it. It's really funny actually , but if you change it into a serious note , it will be Oreo and Juliet note LOL! haha

Well mira's note is about me and him. About me and him if we're in Bali.

It's a story. My friends and I like it. Even some of my friends who like it don't know that there was something real between me and him.

my dream :

On the way , maybe I'll listen to the music "GOT A FEELING" haha

he's got a feeling about my movement. I've also got it. ;)

Finally , we're in Bali. I don't know that he's also in Bali.

ok , My family and I have dinner in a restaurant. I don't realize that he's there. I just eat with my cold face then I just hope i can see him.

He sings a song in a restaurant on a stage. My table is in fron't of a stage. I just watch it and feel like I don't care. I go online with my friend. And I push camera button in my father's blackberry. I see him. I think it's just my feeling. But I see him so clearly. OMG , subhanallah it's him! He's looking at me. I don't realize!

When I look at him , he smiles at me. But I just close my mouth then I play blackberry again. But sometimes , I look at him. hahaha sooo little bit naive.And the funny thing is he points me to sing .

ok then , I'll sing "Love Story" I want to be little flirty to him because he was and he is.

After that , I go to my table . I go online again. he's online!! 

We chat. We talk about ya you know.. haha. Then I go back to the hotel. I sleep and dream about him.

Next day , at the beach , Actually I don't want to meet him. but I meet him again and play the waves so shameless. I have text message from 8c or 7c student. She or he stays in same hotel as me. So I say to him or her , "hey let's meet each other at swimming pool or park!" then we meet each other. oh..! He (the one that sang) also stays in our hotel! So I meet him at the park or swimming pool. I'm suprised. He's suprised too. So after 8 or 7c student go to her or his room , He talks to me then we have conversation LIVE. We reply that moment again till I'm on last day in Bali. I say to him , "tomorrow , we can't have conversations like this anymore. I'll go home tomorrow." he's suprised. then I say goodbye to him.

the end-

hahaha It's my dream. Will it be come true? i dunno haha. I wish -amin-

mhi-junior*

Energy Blockage

I'm sorry mom , dad, sisters. I'm having energy blockage again. For the second time without anything to release. I want to release my madness and disappointment. I know who made me like this. I really know. but I can't be angry to them. Even I can , I won't be. Because they are special people in my life. But day by day I spent my time with them , I realize that they're not supposed to be my special people. Because :

THEY MOCK ME
THEY DON'T SUPPORT ME WHEN I NEED SUPPORT
THEY UNDER ESTIMATE ME
THEY ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE MY SPECIAL PEOPLE

I made wrong movements. What should I do now? If I leave them , I'll hurt them. But They hurt me more and more. They feel that they don't have problem with what they've done with me. My heart has been survived so long. My heart can't survive anymore , actually. I always entertain my heart so my heart don't only feel hurt.
I've been looking for someone who can erase my painness , stop my madness , and treat my disappointment.

I thought , I'll have true special friends when I study in junior high school. but see the situation now , They are worse than my old special people. Pay attention with this word , "WORSE" !

Yes we are so sick. We are quiet autism. We can entertain other people. We can make them laugh. We can make them happy. but PLEASE PAY ATTENTION YOUR PARTNER ( i mean ME) SHE FEELS HURT BECAUSE OF YOU! BECAUSE OF YOU! YOUR OWN SPECIAL PERSON! DO YOUR HUMOR CLOSE YOUR HEARTS? DO YOUR HUMOR KILL YOUR HEARTS? WHERE ARE YOUR HEARTS? ARE YOUR HEARTS GONE? REALIZE!!! REALIZE! SHE'S YOUR OWN SPECIAL PERSON!!! CAN'T YOU FEEL HER PAIN?!

I think , you're not my best people anymore. I like you when you were at the first met. I don't like you now.
You're not my best people anymore. Although , some people think we are and you think you are. BUT for me , you're just my friends. My best people now are some people else. THEY ARE BETTER THAN YOU. THEY DON'T MOCK ME. THEY MAKE ME AS THEIR BEST PERSON. THEY DON'T UNDER ESTIMATE ME. THEY SUPPORT ME WHEN I NEED TO. Even they can't erase my pain. They can't treat my disappointment. They can't water my madness. At least THEY ARE NOT LIKE YOU.

Now , I don't want to say these in fron't of you. I'm not hypocritical. I just don't want you to feel guilty. Although YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE GUILTY. But I just let you.

I'm little bit naive with my heart. I don't want to walk by you but I will. I don't want to sit next to you but I will. I don't want to play with you but I will. I just imagine , if I let you go , Who will be my special people? I know that there are a thousand people want to be my special people certainly. but I'm just afraid. I'm not a great person.

I dunno . I just believe that I won't stay in this world 10 years more. I just have feeling about that. I have feeling that I'll stay in here under 10 years more. Coz I begged to Allah swt. to take my soul early after I've done my problems in here.

I think I feel better now.

ps : if you feel that the post for you , fix your personalities before  someone will be next victim. or before the reply from god come to your life.

mhi.junior-*

I was with G.... S.... (puzzle post)

After I bought a new notebook (laptop) , I went online with it. I really remember, the time was at 12 o'clock. I wanted to pray later because I want to try everything with my laptop. Then suddenly , there was someone greeted me in yahoo messenger. I thought it was spam. I said in my heart , "what is this?! who is this?! don't say that he's the one who sent me many unimportant email." I greeted him back. I still remember conversation (not at all) :

h: hi

m: hi

h: i'm g... s... , 14,USA

    you?

m: i'm muthia , 13 , Indonesia

h: cool

m: what?

h: nothing

    can you trade your pictures?

m: sure

            Then we traded our pictures. I put my picture when I was smiling . He put 2 pictures. One of them was the one that he was cold and the other when he was confused. I like his pictures actually. Because ya i just like.

h : you're cute

    i like your pic

m: thx

h: how about my pic?

m : you're cute

     i like it too

h : can i see your cam?

m : sure

(actually that was my first time used webcam! At that time , I didn't know how to use webcam. But I just answered "yes" to him and then I try. And It worked! :)) )

h : you're cute

m: thx

h : i have something for you

m : what?

h : :* (kiss)

m: :)

h : have you kissed someone?

m: no i haven't

h: why?

m : i can't kiss

h : what? lol

m: because I'm not allowed to kiss

h : awww

          after that , i think he was angry, he asked me many questions about kiss. huh

After 1 or 2 or 3 months, I had conversations with him again . This one , It was about boyfriend. He asked me that do I have a boyfriend or not. He asked me , "are you searching for a boy not 12 years old?" bla bla bla , and I think my answers made him satisfied.

After 1 month , I had conversations with him again. That month was full with him. I had many conversations with him in that month. We weren't ashamed to put " :* (kiss) " anymore. In the last conversation ( i think that was the last conversations) , he asked me , "if you kiss me , what would you kiss? cheek or lips?" then I answered , "i dunno" he laughed , and i asked him back like that. He answered "which ever that I allowed to."ok then. we don't have conversations anymore. Even we do, maybe it won't make me fall with him again. It will be a usual conversations. like a friend's conversations you know..

I sometimes miss those conversations. But I often want to avoid those conversations. I don't often want to have conversations like that anymore. It was exciting but it hurts me.

ps : it was real. I was and he was. I did and he did.

Yes,
I was just dreaming

 

    When we met each other in someplace. You did strange movements. And It makes me believe that you liked me and you loved me since our first met. You smiled at me.. You looked at me.. you really made me believe.

 

    But when I am dying now, when I mark many questions about you , when I think of our moments again.. It doesn't make me believe. I feel that I was just dreaming. I was just dreaming about you. I just wanted you. I just wanted you to love me. It was just feelings.

 

    I know . I don't need to believe. I don't like dreaming.. even I hate doing it. You like someone. Someone who's better than me. If you want me.. maybe you tried to be here , besides me. About your movements? Maybe it was just my feelings. Forget it! Leave me! I don't want to be a dreamer. I just want to be me,myself.

 

Now, STOP DREAMING! MAKE DREAMS COME TRUE!

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